[4人搞笑英语短剧剧本]英语剧本4人版短剧

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(1) [英语剧本4人版短剧]搞笑英文话剧剧本

　　演话剧咱们也可以少了剧本呢？为了方便大家表演，小编带来了搞笑英文话剧剧本，请看：
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【1】
　　英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money
　　Scene1（At Salesman’s home）
　　N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
　　S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
　　Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
　　First, put the flour on the table.
　　Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
　　Now press, press……
　　Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)
　　Press, press……
　　Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!
　　Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……
　　Now let me cut it into pieces!
　　另一个
　　白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本
　　旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.
　　白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)
　　皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!
　　魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know?
　　皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?
　　魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.
　　皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【2】
　　Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)
　　Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景
　　Scene1（At Salesman’s home）
　　N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
　　S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
　　Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
　　First, put the flour on the table.
　　Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
　　Now press, press……
　　Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)
　　Press, press……
　　Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!
　　Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……
　　Now let me cut it into pieces!
　　One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀）
　　Wow, everything is ready!
　　糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…
　　S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha……
　　C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)
　　Scene2（At the school gate）
　　N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）
　　(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……
　　M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!
　　A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!
　　M: Let’s ask him.
　　A: OK!
　　C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）
　　M&A: Why?
　　C: I’m dirty！
　　M: No, you look nice!
　　C: What can I do? (面向观众) Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面)
　　S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）
　　M&A: How much are they?
　　S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）
　　M&A: Money?(对视)
　　M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）
　　A: Me too.
　　S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)
　　M: What can we do now?
　　A: Let’s ask dad for money.
　　M: But how to ask?
　　A: How?…Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）
　　M: Good idea!(全部下场)
　　Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home）
　　N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever.  (爸爸看报)
　　M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK? (同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸)
　　A: And play the guitar for us!
　　M: We know you play so well!
　　(爸爸诧异地看着孩子)
　　D: Oh? What a bright day today!
　　M&A: Please, dad!(哀求)
　　D:OKOK! Let’s.
　　(取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss?
　　M&A: Of course!
　　(开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。)
　　D: What’s the matter?
　　M: Dad, we have no money!
　　A: Can we have some please?
　　D: I think you have lots of pocket money ,and you don’t need any more.
　　M:I want to buy some candies at the school gate.
　　A: They look so sweet and nice!
　　M: Other students always buy them!
　　D: But……You can’t ! They are quite unhealthy. Please go and do your homework..(置之不理，转头看报，孩子回到房间)
　　M: What shall we do now?
　　A: Let me think …well, I know!(轻声在Maggie耳边说)
　　M: Oh, you are so clever! Let’s go.(回到爸爸身边)
　　M: Dad, I want a new eraser!
　　A: I want a longer ruler!
　　M&A: Dad, please！
　　D: Things are expensive these days. We have to save money!
　　M: But dad, my eraser is too small now!(拿出破橡皮来给爸爸看)
　　A: And my ruler is broken.（拿出断尺）
　　D: OK, children. I believe you this time, make sure, don’t buy the food at the school gate. It’s unhealthy! Do you know?
　　M&A: Yes, sir!
　　D: Here you are !( 给钱)
　　M&A: Thanks very much, dad! Bye!(非常高兴，下场)
　　N: The next day, when the class is over ,Maggie and Alice come to the salesman again. They are happy to buy the candies and then have them, but soon they feel a stomachache.
　　(孩子高兴地买了糖，边吃边回家，小贩下场，孩子到家后肚子痛)
　　M: Aiyo!……（两人躬着背进场）
　　A: …….
　　D: What’s wrong?
　　M: I’ve a stomachache!
　　A: Me too!
　　D: What did you eat? The food at the school gate?
　　M: Yes. We had some candies just now.
　　A: I had some too!
　　D: Oh! You’ve cheated me! You bought the candies instead of the eraser and ruler. I always tell you that don’t buy the food at the school gate, they are unhealthy!（生气）
　　M: But they look nice!
　　A: And tastes good!
　　M&A: Aiyo……
　　D:Well, Let’s go to the salesman together and have a look!
　　M&A: OK.
　　Scene 4: (At the school gate)
　　N: When they get to the school gate, a policeman is asking the salesman to go away.
　　(正走到校门口，发现警察驱赶校门口的小贩)
　　P: Hey! You shouldn’t stay here, leave now!
　　C: Let’s go home, let’s go home! (轻声并拉小贩)
　　S: No! My candies are nice and popular here! And…
　　C: You are telling a lie! I’m very dirty and unhealthy!
　　M&A: Dad, it’s him! Aiyo…（指着小贩）
　　D: He?
　　(警察走过来问爸爸，朝小孩)
　　P: What’s the matter with them?
　　D: They got a stomachache after having his candies.
　　S: Really? But I’ve never heard of it. And……
　　P: Stop, stop!(打断小贩) Look at the two girls! Are you guilty? You must be honest with the students, and don’t sell candies any more.（非常严厉）
　　S: OK. I know. (羞愧)
　　C: Let’s go home. Let’s go home.
　　Policeman(对小孩): Girls, please listen! Don’t buy the candies next time. They are bad for your health.
　　D: Yes, he is right. And you shouldn’t tell a lie to me. Try to be an honest person! Will you?
　　M&A: OK, dad!
　　P: Let’s take them to the hospital now.
　　D: OK, Let’s go.
　　N（出场）: A few days later, the girls recovered. And this story is trying to tell you that some of the phenomenon must be kept down, we hope it could be improved soon. What’s more, we also hope students themselves can be honest and all the salesmen can be honest as wel.
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【3】
　　《荆珂刺秦王》搞笑英语话剧剧本
　　旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
　　Action I
　　太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
　　阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
　　太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
　　阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
　　太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
　　阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
　　太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
　　阿三：Yes.
　　Action II
　　（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
　　荆轲
　　Are you Li mochou?
　　李莫愁
　　Yes.
　　荆轲
　　OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
　　李莫愁
　　Are you challenging me?
　　荆轲
　　Of course! 耸耸肩表示同意
　　李莫愁
　　Come on!
　　音乐起
　　两人冲上前来
　　“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”
　　李莫愁倒地
　　荆轲大笑
　　李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
　　荆轲: We don"t need any reason to win a person. Don"t we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
　　李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you"re gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
　　荆轲再次大笑
　　太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
　　荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
　　太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
　　荆柯：Sure!
　　太子丹：How are you?
　　荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
　　太子丹晕倒
　　荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
　　太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
　　荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
　　To be or not to be, that"s a question.
　　阿三：Hero，we need your help.
　　荆柯：I am busy now!
　　太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
　　荆柯：I am very busy now!
　　阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
　　荆柯：I am very very busy now!
　　阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
　　荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
　　阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
　　荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
　　阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
　　观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
　　太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
　　荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
　　阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
　　（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
　　荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
　　太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
　　Action Ш
　　（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
　　荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
　　阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
　　荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
　　太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
　　（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
　　荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
　　妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
　　荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
　　妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
　　荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
　　妻子:"I promise."
　　荆轲:"Never let go. “
　　妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I"ll never let go."
　　（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
　　妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
　　荆珂上船，渐渐远去
　　妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
　　妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
　　阿三：Okay okay!
　　旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【4】
　　大话西游 Big words of western tour
　　Chapter 1
　　Site：The wedding
　　Characters:牛魔王 、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖
　　Aside: The story begins with a wedding. The Bull King is going to have a concubine.
　　牛：Today is my wedding. I am going to have a concubine. Ha ha ha …….
　　妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?
　　牛：Oh! She is not lovely anymore. She’s right now at the Flame Mountain. She can do nothing about it!
　　(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)
　　牛：Let me introduce my brother to you! My bro!
　　Come here! This is my brother.
　　(牛深情地转向紫霞)
　　牛：Zixia, listen to me. I think I ‘ve fallen in love with you once I know you. I want to show my sincerity. So I request you to marry me in front of my bros. This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you. I hope you would say yes.
　　妖：I object!
　　牛：What?
　　妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover. If you can pass it, I will shout up!
　　至：What’s this? Really?
　　妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.
　　(剑从至的怀中落下)
　　妖：Magic Sword?
　　牛：Let me do this!
　　(紫跑出，拾剑)
　　紫：It’s not true! It’s just a joke. It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!
　　(紫跑下)
　　妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.
　　牛：Aaa……
　　(牛惊慌地跑下)
　　Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……
　　Chapter 2
　　Site: Bull King’s back garden
　　Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞
　　（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）
　　至：Why are you hiding here?
　　(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)
　　至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think. But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly. Because I’ve decided to tell lies, I’ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!
　　紫：I’ll kill you if you come closer!
　　至：You should kill me! Kill me! I’d found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. I left regretful after that. It’s the ultimate pain in the world. Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate! If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words. “I love you”. If God wants to give a time limit, I’ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!
　　（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）
　　紫：What can you tell your wife?
　　至：I have to tell her the truth. So I must get the Pandora’s Box back. Then go back with you and explain everything. But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back. I ……
　　紫：I help you!
　　至：No, it’s dangerous!
　　紫：You don’t want to?
　　至：I do! But ……
　　紫：I trust you! I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight. Wait for me here at midnight.
　　(猪喊)
　　至：Let me do something to my boss first. See you tonight.
　　（依依不舍）
　　Aside: The night ……
　　Chapter 3
　　Site: Dungeon
　　Characters: 至尊宝、猪八戒、沙僧、唐僧
　　猪和沙：Master, master
　　(两人同时悄声说)
　　猪：We come to save you.
　　沙：We come to bring you out.
　　唐：I won’t go.
　　猪和沙：Stay here? Why?
　　唐：There’re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures. This is because we’re not united enough. So we let the devils do bad to us. That’s fine. This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me; the outside world is just a bigger prison. You go out first. I have something to tell him.
　　(猪和沙下)
　　唐：You come in and have a sit!
　　至：To be honest, I’m not your disciple. I don’t want to be your disciple. Master I know you’re a good guy. Please let me go!
　　唐：Do you know “dong , dong, dong ……”?
　　至：What is “dong, dong, dong”?
　　唐：“dong, dong, dong ……” is ……
　　(唐唱Only you)
　　至：Stop. Stop. I can’t take this anymore, please stop ……
　　唐：Ohoh ……
　　至：Damn you, you … I’ve said I can’t take this anymore. Don’t disturb or I’ll kill you.
　　唐： Monkey King, you can kill me. Life and death are very minor. When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me. Namonitabhaya …
　　(至跑走)
　　Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form the Bull King, and he reaches the Spiders’ Cave with the Grapes. Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.
　　The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who’s cut open won’t die at once. He can still see. So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.
　　After the Monkey King’s death, he appears in the Hole of Waterfall …
　　Chapter 4
　　Site: The Hole of Waterfall
　　Characters: 至尊宝、观音
　　至：Goddess. I’m about to understand your words. I used my eyes to see in the past. What I was dying. I started using my heart to see this world. Then I could see all things clearly. That girl …has left a drop of tear in my heart. I felt her sorrow.
　　观：Have you given up all things in human world?
　　至：Yes! Life and death is just minor! …… But I don’t understand why can human’s hatred last 10 years, 50 years, and even 500 years. What hatred is it?
　　观：So that Tang Monk went to the west and got scriptures, which clean out hearts.
　　至：OK, I want to stay here, there are many things waiting for me to do.
　　观：I want to warn you again. After wearing the gold ring, you’re no longer a normal human. You can’t have human desires anymore. If you do so, the gold ring will get smaller and smaller. It’s very uncomfortable.
　　至：OK.
　　观：Before wearing the ring, what do you want to say?
　　至：I had had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”! If there is a time limit, I hope, it is 10 thousand years.
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【5】
　　四个人的英语剧本:Susan and Cathy
　　Susan很苗条，Cathy很胖，她们是好朋友，不过却都羡慕对方……
　　This story is about two good friends Cathy and Susan. Cathy is a very thin girl; on the other hand, Susan is a very heavy girl. Therefore Cathy and Susan want to change themselves.
　　Scene I
　　(Cathy and Susan encounter each other on a street.)
　　Cathy: Hello, Susan. How are you?
　　Susan: I’m not doing well.
　　Cathy: Why not?
　　Susan: I’m too fat. I want to lose some weights.
　　Cathy: Really? But I want to become fat.
　　Susan: Are you crazy? Being fat is a terrible thing. Look at me. My abdomen looks like a swimming belt. It is so ugly.
　　(Cathy touches Susan’s abdomen.)
　　Cathy: But it is tender and makes me feel content.
　　Susan: You’re so kind. Your words make me happy.
　　Cathy: I’m serious, no kidding.
　　Susan: God! (Touches her own forehead and sigh)
　　Why are you not me and I am not you?
　　(Susan seems to intend doing something.)
　　Susan: We don’t like our figures and want to change ourselves, we can work hard together.
　　Cathy: It sounds good. I can help you and you can help me. That’s wonderful. (Saying loudly)
　　Susan: We begin planning right away.
　　Cathy: Uh! Let’s go.
　　Scene II
　　(Firstly Cathy brings Susan to a famous store named Trust me.)
　　Servant: Welcome! Do you want to take part in our class?
　　Cathy: Yes! We will.
　　Servant: Ok!
　　Susan: Why do you take me here?
　　Cathy: I see that “Trust me, you can make it” commercial on TV. It looks great. So I want to trust it and help you become thinner.
　　Susan: Oh…! Why do you also particular in?
　　Cathy: Because we are good friends, we should do it together. (Ha! Ha!)
　　(After several days)
　　Susan: Why? It’s no use to me, but you become much thinner. (Crying)
　　Cathy: I don’t want it, too. (Crying)
　　(The two girls are very angry to look the servant.)
　　Servant: It’s not my fault. (She escapes from the store.)
　　Scene III
　　(Later, Susan takes Cathy to McDonalds.)
　　Cathy: McDonalds?
　　Susan: Fast food has high calories. It is the best food to make you fat.
　　Clerk: May I help you?
　　Susan: I want to order four hamburgers, ten drumsticks, five french fries and two cokes.
　　Clerk: What??
　　Cathy: Sorry, give us a minute. (Talks to the waiter)
　　(Cathy pulls Susan’s arm and moves to the side.)
　　Cathy: I can’t eat all of them.
　　Susan: The food is not just for you.
　　Cathy: Don’t you want to be thin?
　　Susan: Yes.
　　Cathy: You can’t eat them, because they will make you fat.
　　Susan: But I can’t oppose the attraction.
　　(Cathy gives Susan a look.)
　　Susan: Let me think.
　　(Suddenly, an angel and an evil appear.)
　　Evil: You can eat it. Anyway, you have time to lose weight.
　　Angel: If you eat them now, you would do the same thing next time. You will not lose any weight.
　　Evil: Listen to me. I’m right.
　　Angel: No, he’s wrong.
　　(Evil begins to fight against the angel.)
　　Susan: Enough! Go away! (Yells to the evil and the angel)
　　Cathy: Are you OK?
　　Susan: Uh! I decide to eat today.
　　Cathy: OK!
　　Susan: I want to order the same food that I ordered before.
　　Clerk: OK! Please wait a minute.
　　(They sit down and begin to eat.)
　　Cathy: Um…It’s so greasy. Do I have to eat this?
　　Susan: Yes, you must eat it. I can help you. (Susan takes food to stuff Cathy’s mouth.) Poor girl!!!
　　Scene IV
　　(Angel and Evil appear again.)
　　Angel: Are you sure it’s good for her?
　　Evil: If you don’t believe me, you could see the result later.
　　Angel: I hope you are right.
　　(Several weeks later, they walk along the street.)
　　Susan: I’m so hungry. I want to eat.
　　Cathy: I’m so full. I want to vomit.
　　(They hug each other and cry loudly.)
　　Cathy: I don’t want to be fat.
　　Susan: I don’t want to be thin. (They say it at the same time.)
　　(Angel takes the evil that is rope appears.)
　　Angel: You use the wrong way to achieve your purposes. You need to ask a professional nutritionist.
　　Cathy and Susan: So…! (They look at each other with some special meaning, and then catch the angel’s leg.)
　　Cathy and Susan: You must know some shortcut to help us.
　　Cathy and Susan: We won’t let you go until you help us.
　　Angel: Oh, god!!
　　(Cathy and Susan chase the angel. The evil stays there.)
　　Evil: What has happened? (Shrug)
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【6】
　　中英文双语话剧《新梁祝外传》剧本
　　旁白：话说梁山伯和祝英台三年前一同来到刚刚成立的武汉新东方书院学习英语。梁山伯酷爱口语师从口语老师邓大付学习美国口语，尤其擅长模仿马丁"路德"金的演讲。（旁白暂停，邓英文“I have a dream ”）。祝英台一心梦想出国，梦想有朝一日成为BBC主持人（旁白暂停，祝英文“this is BBC….）最终祝英台以托福和GRE高分的成绩被哥伦比亚大学录取。在祝英台临走的那一天，梁山伯十八里相送在天河机场与祝英台缠绵告别。
　　L:  Yingtai ，I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.！
　　Z:  I love you, too! Don’t worry.  Shanbo I only love you in this wild world. I’ll marry you as soon as I’m back. Wait for me just for two years.
　　L: I’ll kiss you across the Pacific Ocean.
　　Z:  I’ll kiss you from the other side. Wait for me. BoBo
　　旁白：一周以后，祝英台从美国打来越洋电话。
　　L:Oh, Sweetie, Yintai I miss you so much, miss you every minute every second. Oh my dear. Are you listening to me?
　　Z: Listen, Liang Shanbo. I’m calling to tell you that I loved you. But I think you’d better find a better girl.
　　L: What? Pardon?
　　Z: Because I’ll get married.
　　L: Married ? to who?
　　Z: To 英俊潇洒风流倜傥玉树临风的Ma Wencai.. He is so handsome. So rich, even richer than Yu Minhong. And he is good at 葵花宝典。I love his money and I love his body.
　　L: What are you talking about? You wait and see. I’ll give you some color to see see. I’ll kill you! I will kill you in America!
　　Z: America? You can come to America? Hahahaha
　　旁白：祝英台的无端背叛深深伤害了梁山伯脆弱的心灵，他发下毒誓：不杀祝英台誓不为人。于是重新来到新东方书院学习托福和ＧＲＥ。当然他没有忘记用老生证可以优惠20块钱。为了能飞越重洋去杀掉祝英台，他每天提醒自己有一个梦想。
　　I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
　　I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and lives out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one day I will kill Zhu Yingtai right in America. It is a dream that deeply rooted in my heart. In my heart.
　　旁白：一年之后，梁山伯也来到了美国，四处寻找祝英台的下落。终于在纽约街头找到他当年的爱人祝英台，而她正和马文才卿卿我我。
　　L:Zhu Yingtai, long time no see, huh? Who am I ? I’m Liang Shanbo. I’m here to kill you.
　　Z: Liang….shanbo. Oh, Wencai. He is crazy. He will kill me.
　　M: You! Get out of here.
　　L: You! Get out of here!
　　M: 电话来了。Hello, I’m in wuhan. Ok ok I’ll come right now
　　Z: Please don’t go. Just stay, please. He’ll kill me.
　　M: I know! But if I stay, he’ll kill me by the way..
　　Z: You told me you were good at 葵花宝典?
　　M: Sorry, I’m not good at 葵花宝典. I’m just good at 新华字典。
　　Z: Oh,you liar. Just get out of here!! (to Liang Shanbo) Oh,darling, you must kill me?
　　L: Yes, I have to. Because I hate you more than I can say.
　　Z: (sing)When we were young, we listened to the MP三, you said you’d love me forever. Don’t kill me,ok? Shanbo. I qiu qiu ni..
　　L: No door! (sing) Where you go, whatever you say, I’ll be right here killing you. I only know I was born to love you or to kill you. Now I can’t love you, the only choice is to kill you.
　　Z: 曾经Once upon a time, there was a true love in front of me, I didn’t cherish it.If I was to meet him again, I wish to say I love you. If you would ask me how long I would love him, I should say ten thousand years. That man is you The only man I love in this wild world is you. Only you.(sing)
　　L: The only woman I want to kill is on-ly you!!
　　Z: Please, you know I love you. I love you just like laoshu ai dami. I want to marry you.
　　L: hehehe Really?
　　Z: Oh, of course. Please don’t kill me!!!!
　　L: To kill or not to kill is a question. I don’t know. Who can tell me? I put her life in your hands. Everybody here, please tell me kill or not kill?
　　(to kill)
　　L: You hear this. I ‘m sorry. But don’t worry , I’ ll go to heaven together with you.
　　Z: All right kill me, then we’ll become two butterflies in the beautiful garden(sing)
　　(sing)
　　Z: 亲爱的你别杀我
　　杀了我你也没有好结果
　　L： 亲爱的我也不想杀
　　可是大家非得要我杀
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(2) [英语剧本4人版短剧]剧本

(3) [英语剧本4人版短剧]梁山伯与祝英台短剧本

　　梁山伯和祝英台的爱情故事大家都十分熟悉，那是一段凄美的爱情。下面是小编整理收集的梁山伯与祝英台短剧本，欢迎阅读参考！
　　第一幕
　　地点：祝英台家中。椅子三把，桌子一张。
　　人物：英台母（下简称英母），英台父（下简称英父），马公子，管家及随从数人。
　　（英台父气冲冲上场，英台母追上）
　　英母：老公，老公啊~（拉住英父）
　　英父（怒气冲冲的转身）：再说什么也没有用，英台的婚事绝对不能这么草率！
　　英母：可是老公啊，人家马公子可是郑重其事，明媒正娶的啊……（被英父打断）
　　英父：我跟你说过多少遍了，现在是改革开放的新时代，孩子的婚事不能再由父母操办……（被场外音打断）
　　场外音：马公子聘礼到~
　　（一个管家模样的人快步走上，手执一份礼单）
　　管家：我家公子派小人给二老送来这些礼品，不成敬意，还望笑纳。（打开礼单宣读，随从们双手捧礼品上场）茅台一瓶~云烟一条~钻
　　石首饰一套~肯德基外带全家桶一份~家庭影院一套~正在运输途中~凯迪拉克一辆~正在厂里维修~法国巴黎埃菲尔铁塔一座……
　　英父、英母：啊？
　　管家：啊错了错了，是法国巴黎埃菲尔铁塔参观券一套~还有西湖龙井北京烤鸭十八街麻花陕西泡馍东北大锅菜王志和臭豆腐都已经差人
　　送进厨房钦此~~~~
　　（双手毕恭毕敬接过礼单，管家下场）
　　英母：老公啊，看看看看，人家马公子派人送来这么多礼物，咱家英台是非他莫属了……
　　英父：你一个妇道人家知道什么，看看马公子那副德行，怎么看怎么像马桶……（此时马公子已经上场，站在英父身后）
　　马公子（掏出手帕擦汗）：多谢伯父没说我长的像冯巩。
　　英父（闻声回头）：你~
　　马公子（啪的一声打开折扇）：不错，在下就是闭月羞花沉鱼落雁才高八斗貌似天仙玉树凌风赛潘安一枝梨花压海棠人送外号上天下地
　　无所不能美貌与智慧并存、英雄与侠义的化身——马德才。（掏出一把一分的纸币向空中一撒，作天女散花状）
　　英母（赶忙迎上去）：哎呦~马公子，快快请坐~（对场外）如花，快去给马公子沏茶~（弯下腰去捡钱）
　　（场外一男音：是，夫人。）
　　马公子（慢慢坐下）：伯父伯母，不知在下和英台的婚事……
　　英母：哎呦~那还用说嘛，当然是~（被英父打断）
　　英父：免谈！（怒气冲冲冲地站起来，指着马公子）你知道什么是马克思列宁主义吗？
　　马公子：不知道……
　　英父：你知道什么是改革开放吗？
　　马公子：不知道……
　　英父：你知道什么是那斯达克指数吗？
　　马公子：不知道……
　　英父：你知道什么是“Who are you”吗？
　　马公子：……
　　英父：你知道谁是张国荣，谁是张曼玉，谁是罗纳尔多，谁是姚明，谁是汤姆.克鲁斯，谁是小甜甜布兰尼吗？（转身对英母）你看看你
　　看看，这么一个什么都不知道的白痴，叫我把英台嫁给他我怎么能放心啊！
　　马公子：伯父，我……
　　英父（转身对马公子）：你什么你，你除了钱还有什么！
　　马公子：伯父果然对小婿了如指掌，小婿这次就是带了300万的礼金……
　　英父：我呸！你以为钱就能买到一切吗？我告诉你，真正的爱情是无价的！你以为300万就能……（逐渐反应过味来）300万……（走过
　　去小声对马公子）那300万是我一个人的还是俩人的……
　　马公子：当然是伯父伯母一人一半了……
　　英父：绝对不行！
　　马公子：那就四六开……
　　英父：三七开，她三我七，否则免谈！
　　马公子：那就按伯父的意思办！（掏出一张契约）劳烦伯父在上面签个字，就算是同意我和英台的婚事了……（契约被英父一把抢去）
　　英父：那还用说，我打心眼里一万个同意（掏出钢笔来准备签字），哎马公子，那300万是给现金还是给支票啊……
　　马公子：就300块钱还要什么支票啊。
　　英父：是啊，就300块钱还要什么支票……（笔停下，诧异的看着马公子）300……块？不是300万吗？
　　马公子：300万是这次婚礼的总开销，今天给您的礼金就300块……
　　（英父把契约扔到地下）
　　马公子（弯腰去捡契约）：伯父您要嫌钱少咱们还可以再商量……
　　英父：他就不是钱的问题！（抽泣状）他丢不起那人啊……
　　马公子：伯父教训的是，婚姻这么重要的问题不应该拿金钱来衡量。不过小婿听说伯父喜欢旅游，所以前几天特意在夏威夷买了一套度
　　假别墅……
　　英父：此话当真？
　　马公子（掏出一串钥匙）：这就是度假别墅的钥匙，机票我也买好了，只要伯父答应我和英台的婚事……（契约又被英父抢去）
　　英父：你这不耽误我度假时间嘛……（刚掏出笔来要签字就被场外音打断）
　　场外音：老爷夫人不好了！小姐失踪了！
　　英父：英台！（跑下台过程中顺手把钥匙从马公子手中抢走）
　　英母：我的英台呀！（跑下台）
　　马公子（愣了一下）：我的钥匙啊！（追下台）
　　（灯光暗下，第一幕结束）
　　第二幕
　　地点：梁山伯念书的私塾。
　　人物：私塾先生，梁山伯，祝英台，伴读书童数人。
　　画外音：祝英台自逃婚后到处游走，这一日来到了梁山伯念书的私塾外。
　　先生：关关雎鸠，在河之舟~（顺时针摇头晃脑，自我陶醉状）
　　梁山伯（与众书童）：关关雎鸠，在河之舟~（逆时针摇头晃脑，自我陶醉状）
　　先生：山伯，跟你说过多少遍了，要顺时针摇头！
　　梁山伯：是，先生。
　　先生：窈窕淑女，君子好逑~
　　梁山伯（与众书童）：窈窕淑女，君子好逑~
　　先生：山伯~顺时针摇头！
　　（祝英台上场，口唱"我是一只小小小小鸟……"）
　　先生：山伯，你去看看是何人喧哗。
　　梁山伯：是，先生。
　　（祝英台唱"Super Star"，见到梁山伯后改唱儿歌）
　　祝英台（指着梁山伯）：一只蛤蟆一张嘴，两只眼睛四条腿……
　　梁山伯：呔！何方妖孽，竟敢在此捣乱！
　　祝英台：这是我的名片。（递名片）
　　梁山伯（接名片念）：祝英台，又名瑟琳娜，18岁，因逃婚在外而居住地不详。天平座，性格活泼，崇拜偶像蔡依琳……
　　祝英台：And what is your name?
　　梁山伯：My name is 梁山伯。祝兄的歌声固然美妙，可是却不想惊扰了先生讲课，还请祝兄跟我走一趟去向先生赔罪。（拉着祝英台向
　　场下走）
　　祝英台：梁兄，好像方向错了……
　　梁山伯：难道祝兄没有听说地球是圆的吗？往这边走不过绕个远而已，正好请祝兄教我一些乐理知识。（继续拉着祝英台向场下走）祝
　　兄有所不知，我也是蔡依林的歌迷，不知道她最近又出了什么新专辑啊……（下场）
　　（灯光暗下，第二幕结束）
　　第三幕
　　地点：野外。 人物：梁山伯，祝英台
　　画外音：祝英台跟着梁山伯一起进了私塾，一起谈天论地，喝酒划拳……哦，拿错旁白了，他们一起谈天论地，引吭高歌。但是，所谓
　　天网恢恢，疏而不漏。祝英台的父母和马公子历经千辛万苦终于将祝英台捉拿归案……这一日，祝英台和梁山伯在野外依依惜别。（场外一
　　顿群殴之声"你怎么念的旁白""都是什么乱七八糟的"……）
　　梁山伯：祝兄，送君千里，终有一别，咱们就此别过吧……（低下头去）
　　祝英台：梁兄，此时此刻，你难道就没什么话要对我说吗？
　　梁山伯：我……（欲言又止）没有……
　　祝英台（伤心地唱）：后来，我总算学会了如何去爱，可惜你早已远去消失在人海；后来，终于在眼泪中明白，有些人，一旦错过就不
　　在……（扭过脸去不愿再看）
　　（梁山伯去劝祝英台，被英台一把甩开）
　　梁山伯：英台，别伤心了，你看，这只蝴蝶翅膀上写着字呢。
　　祝英台：你骗我。（仍然不回头）
　　梁山伯：我念给你听：我是一只小小鸟，爱你可把性命抛。英语日语全不怕，台上台下都叫好。
　　祝英台：我……爱……英……台……（缓缓地转过头去看着梁山伯）
　　梁山伯：你问我爱你有多深……月亮代表我的心（作者忘记中间的词了*#%￥……）
　　祝英台（惊喜地）：梁兄，你这话可是当真？
　　梁山伯（跪下说）：曾经有一份真挚的爱情放在我面前，我没有珍惜，等失去的时候我才后悔莫及，人世间最痛苦的事莫过于此。如果
　　上天能够给我一个再来一次的机会，我会对你说：我爱你！如果要我给这三个字加上一个期限，我希望是---------一万年！（这里一定要用
　　方言说，这段台词已经快被说烂了，如果不用方言的话，最终的效果将会……）
　　祝英台：梁兄，你不要再说了（蔡依琳《说爱你》音乐声响起）
　　（二人跟着音乐声边舞边唱，只唱一遍。最后一句"这一刻，我终于勇敢说爱你"一定要两个人互相指着唱出来）
　　（音乐声突然停）
　　祝英台：Bye~
　　梁山伯：赛又拿拉goodbye 阿尼黑~  （二人从两侧下场，灯光暗下，第三幕结束）
　　第四幕
　　地点：教堂内。 人物：祝英台，马公子，神父，4名侍者
　　（婚礼进行曲响起，祝英台很不情愿地被马公子拉入教堂。4名侍者撒纸屑庆祝，2人走到神父面前时，4名侍者同时转身，拿出清扫工具
　　开始清理刚刚撒下的纸屑，然后排成一队退场）
　　神父：马德才先生，你愿意娶祝英台小姐为妻吗？
　　马公子：我愿意！（拉住想跑的英台）
　　神父：祝英台小姐……
　　祝英台：No！
　　神父（对马公子）：她说的什么鸟语？（马公子摇头，神父转向祝英台）小姐，请你用普通话回答：你愿意……（被英台打断）
　　祝英台：我不愿意！（使劲挣脱马公子的手，跑下场）
　　马公子：英台！等等！（追下）
　　神父：我从没见过这样的情侣，愿上帝保佑你们，阿门~（划十字）
　　（灯光暗下，第四幕结束）
　　第五幕
　　地点：梁山伯坟前
　　人物：祝英台，梁山伯（鬼魂），英母，英父，马公子，神父，侍者数名。
　　画外音：梁山伯和祝英台分手后一直卧床不起，终于驾鹤西游了。这一日，祝英台来到梁山伯的坟前……）
　　祝英台：梁兄！你死的好惨哪~（扑在坟头上哭）
　　（侍者闻声赶上，把英台拉开）
　　侍者：这位小姐，这个坟是我们神父的，他前几天主持婚礼，结果新娘说了一句鸟语他没听懂，觉得受了莫大的耻辱，就用面条上吊自
　　杀了。你那位梁兄的坟在那边……
　　祝英台：&*%p;祝英台：同喜同喜，来来来，大家吃喜糖……
　　神父：不知道二位以后有什么打算？
　　梁山伯：这个嘛……（被祝英台打断）
　　祝英台：我们已经想好了！
　　（梁山伯与祝英台开始猜拳--"两只小蜜蜂啊，飞在花丛中啊，飞啊"……说到"飞啊"的时候，2人摆出泰坦尼克的POSE，同时泰坦尼克的
　　音乐响起）
　　画外音：本来梁山伯想变成蝴蝶的，可是祝英台非要变成蜜蜂，唉~都是女权主义的错啊……
　　（音乐声中，众人谢幕，剧终）

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