[小红帽英文剧本]英文剧本

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(1) [英文剧本]搞笑英文话剧剧本

　　演话剧咱们也可以少了剧本呢？为了方便大家表演，小编带来了搞笑英文话剧剧本，请看：
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【1】
　　英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money
　　Scene1（At Salesman’s home）
　　N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
　　S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
　　Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
　　First, put the flour on the table.
　　Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
　　Now press, press……
　　Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)
　　Press, press……
　　Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!
　　Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……
　　Now let me cut it into pieces!
　　另一个
　　白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本
　　旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.
　　白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)
　　皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!
　　魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know?
　　皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?
　　魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.
　　皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【2】
　　Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)
　　Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景
　　Scene1（At Salesman’s home）
　　N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
　　S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
　　Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
　　First, put the flour on the table.
　　Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
　　Now press, press……
　　Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)
　　Press, press……
　　Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!
　　Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……
　　Now let me cut it into pieces!
　　One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀）
　　Wow, everything is ready!
　　糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…
　　S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha……
　　C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)
　　Scene2（At the school gate）
　　N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）
　　(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……
　　M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!
　　A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!
　　M: Let’s ask him.
　　A: OK!
　　C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）
　　M&A: Why?
　　C: I’m dirty！
　　M: No, you look nice!
　　C: What can I do? (面向观众) Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面)
　　S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）
　　M&A: How much are they?
　　S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）
　　M&A: Money?(对视)
　　M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）
　　A: Me too.
　　S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)
　　M: What can we do now?
　　A: Let’s ask dad for money.
　　M: But how to ask?
　　A: How?…Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）
　　M: Good idea!(全部下场)
　　Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home）
　　N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever.  (爸爸看报)
　　M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK? (同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸)
　　A: And play the guitar for us!
　　M: We know you play so well!
　　(爸爸诧异地看着孩子)
　　D: Oh? What a bright day today!
　　M&A: Please, dad!(哀求)
　　D:OKOK! Let’s.
　　(取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss?
　　M&A: Of course!
　　(开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。)
　　D: What’s the matter?
　　M: Dad, we have no money!
　　A: Can we have some please?
　　D: I think you have lots of pocket money ,and you don’t need any more.
　　M:I want to buy some candies at the school gate.
　　A: They look so sweet and nice!
　　M: Other students always buy them!
　　D: But……You can’t ! They are quite unhealthy. Please go and do your homework..(置之不理，转头看报，孩子回到房间)
　　M: What shall we do now?
　　A: Let me think …well, I know!(轻声在Maggie耳边说)
　　M: Oh, you are so clever! Let’s go.(回到爸爸身边)
　　M: Dad, I want a new eraser!
　　A: I want a longer ruler!
　　M&A: Dad, please！
　　D: Things are expensive these days. We have to save money!
　　M: But dad, my eraser is too small now!(拿出破橡皮来给爸爸看)
　　A: And my ruler is broken.（拿出断尺）
　　D: OK, children. I believe you this time, make sure, don’t buy the food at the school gate. It’s unhealthy! Do you know?
　　M&A: Yes, sir!
　　D: Here you are !( 给钱)
　　M&A: Thanks very much, dad! Bye!(非常高兴，下场)
　　N: The next day, when the class is over ,Maggie and Alice come to the salesman again. They are happy to buy the candies and then have them, but soon they feel a stomachache.
　　(孩子高兴地买了糖，边吃边回家，小贩下场，孩子到家后肚子痛)
　　M: Aiyo!……（两人躬着背进场）
　　A: …….
　　D: What’s wrong?
　　M: I’ve a stomachache!
　　A: Me too!
　　D: What did you eat? The food at the school gate?
　　M: Yes. We had some candies just now.
　　A: I had some too!
　　D: Oh! You’ve cheated me! You bought the candies instead of the eraser and ruler. I always tell you that don’t buy the food at the school gate, they are unhealthy!（生气）
　　M: But they look nice!
　　A: And tastes good!
　　M&A: Aiyo……
　　D:Well, Let’s go to the salesman together and have a look!
　　M&A: OK.
　　Scene 4: (At the school gate)
　　N: When they get to the school gate, a policeman is asking the salesman to go away.
　　(正走到校门口，发现警察驱赶校门口的小贩)
　　P: Hey! You shouldn’t stay here, leave now!
　　C: Let’s go home, let’s go home! (轻声并拉小贩)
　　S: No! My candies are nice and popular here! And…
　　C: You are telling a lie! I’m very dirty and unhealthy!
　　M&A: Dad, it’s him! Aiyo…（指着小贩）
　　D: He?
　　(警察走过来问爸爸，朝小孩)
　　P: What’s the matter with them?
　　D: They got a stomachache after having his candies.
　　S: Really? But I’ve never heard of it. And……
　　P: Stop, stop!(打断小贩) Look at the two girls! Are you guilty? You must be honest with the students, and don’t sell candies any more.（非常严厉）
　　S: OK. I know. (羞愧)
　　C: Let’s go home. Let’s go home.
　　Policeman(对小孩): Girls, please listen! Don’t buy the candies next time. They are bad for your health.
　　D: Yes, he is right. And you shouldn’t tell a lie to me. Try to be an honest person! Will you?
　　M&A: OK, dad!
　　P: Let’s take them to the hospital now.
　　D: OK, Let’s go.
　　N（出场）: A few days later, the girls recovered. And this story is trying to tell you that some of the phenomenon must be kept down, we hope it could be improved soon. What’s more, we also hope students themselves can be honest and all the salesmen can be honest as wel.
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【3】
　　《荆珂刺秦王》搞笑英语话剧剧本
　　旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
　　Action I
　　太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
　　阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
　　太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
　　阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
　　太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
　　阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
　　太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
　　阿三：Yes.
　　Action II
　　（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
　　荆轲
　　Are you Li mochou?
　　李莫愁
　　Yes.
　　荆轲
　　OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
　　李莫愁
　　Are you challenging me?
　　荆轲
　　Of course! 耸耸肩表示同意
　　李莫愁
　　Come on!
　　音乐起
　　两人冲上前来
　　“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”
　　李莫愁倒地
　　荆轲大笑
　　李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
　　荆轲: We don"t need any reason to win a person. Don"t we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
　　李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you"re gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
　　荆轲再次大笑
　　太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
　　荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
　　太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
　　荆柯：Sure!
　　太子丹：How are you?
　　荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
　　太子丹晕倒
　　荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
　　太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
　　荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
　　To be or not to be, that"s a question.
　　阿三：Hero，we need your help.
　　荆柯：I am busy now!
　　太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
　　荆柯：I am very busy now!
　　阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
　　荆柯：I am very very busy now!
　　阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
　　荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
　　阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
　　荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
　　阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
　　观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
　　太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
　　荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
　　阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
　　（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
　　荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
　　太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
　　Action Ш
　　（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
　　荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
　　阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
　　荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
　　太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
　　（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
　　荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
　　妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
　　荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
　　妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
　　荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
　　妻子:"I promise."
　　荆轲:"Never let go. “
　　妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I"ll never let go."
　　（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
　　妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
　　荆珂上船，渐渐远去
　　妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
　　妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
　　阿三：Okay okay!
　　旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【4】
　　大话西游 Big words of western tour
　　Chapter 1
　　Site：The wedding
　　Characters:牛魔王 、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖
　　Aside: The story begins with a wedding. The Bull King is going to have a concubine.
　　牛：Today is my wedding. I am going to have a concubine. Ha ha ha …….
　　妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?
　　牛：Oh! She is not lovely anymore. She’s right now at the Flame Mountain. She can do nothing about it!
　　(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)
　　牛：Let me introduce my brother to you! My bro!
　　Come here! This is my brother.
　　(牛深情地转向紫霞)
　　牛：Zixia, listen to me. I think I ‘ve fallen in love with you once I know you. I want to show my sincerity. So I request you to marry me in front of my bros. This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you. I hope you would say yes.
　　妖：I object!
　　牛：What?
　　妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover. If you can pass it, I will shout up!
　　至：What’s this? Really?
　　妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.
　　(剑从至的怀中落下)
　　妖：Magic Sword?
　　牛：Let me do this!
　　(紫跑出，拾剑)
　　紫：It’s not true! It’s just a joke. It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!
　　(紫跑下)
　　妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.
　　牛：Aaa……
　　(牛惊慌地跑下)
　　Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……
　　Chapter 2
　　Site: Bull King’s back garden
　　Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞
　　（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）
　　至：Why are you hiding here?
　　(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)
　　至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think. But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly. Because I’ve decided to tell lies, I’ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!
　　紫：I’ll kill you if you come closer!
　　至：You should kill me! Kill me! I’d found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. I left regretful after that. It’s the ultimate pain in the world. Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate! If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words. “I love you”. If God wants to give a time limit, I’ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!
　　（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）
　　紫：What can you tell your wife?
　　至：I have to tell her the truth. So I must get the Pandora’s Box back. Then go back with you and explain everything. But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back. I ……
　　紫：I help you!
　　至：No, it’s dangerous!
　　紫：You don’t want to?
　　至：I do! But ……
　　紫：I trust you! I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight. Wait for me here at midnight.
　　(猪喊)
　　至：Let me do something to my boss first. See you tonight.
　　（依依不舍）
　　Aside: The night ……
　　Chapter 3
　　Site: Dungeon
　　Characters: 至尊宝、猪八戒、沙僧、唐僧
　　猪和沙：Master, master
　　(两人同时悄声说)
　　猪：We come to save you.
　　沙：We come to bring you out.
　　唐：I won’t go.
　　猪和沙：Stay here? Why?
　　唐：There’re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures. This is because we’re not united enough. So we let the devils do bad to us. That’s fine. This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me; the outside world is just a bigger prison. You go out first. I have something to tell him.
　　(猪和沙下)
　　唐：You come in and have a sit!
　　至：To be honest, I’m not your disciple. I don’t want to be your disciple. Master I know you’re a good guy. Please let me go!
　　唐：Do you know “dong , dong, dong ……”?
　　至：What is “dong, dong, dong”?
　　唐：“dong, dong, dong ……” is ……
　　(唐唱Only you)
　　至：Stop. Stop. I can’t take this anymore, please stop ……
　　唐：Ohoh ……
　　至：Damn you, you … I’ve said I can’t take this anymore. Don’t disturb or I’ll kill you.
　　唐： Monkey King, you can kill me. Life and death are very minor. When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me. Namonitabhaya …
　　(至跑走)
　　Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form the Bull King, and he reaches the Spiders’ Cave with the Grapes. Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.
　　The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who’s cut open won’t die at once. He can still see. So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.
　　After the Monkey King’s death, he appears in the Hole of Waterfall …
　　Chapter 4
　　Site: The Hole of Waterfall
　　Characters: 至尊宝、观音
　　至：Goddess. I’m about to understand your words. I used my eyes to see in the past. What I was dying. I started using my heart to see this world. Then I could see all things clearly. That girl …has left a drop of tear in my heart. I felt her sorrow.
　　观：Have you given up all things in human world?
　　至：Yes! Life and death is just minor! …… But I don’t understand why can human’s hatred last 10 years, 50 years, and even 500 years. What hatred is it?
　　观：So that Tang Monk went to the west and got scriptures, which clean out hearts.
　　至：OK, I want to stay here, there are many things waiting for me to do.
　　观：I want to warn you again. After wearing the gold ring, you’re no longer a normal human. You can’t have human desires anymore. If you do so, the gold ring will get smaller and smaller. It’s very uncomfortable.
　　至：OK.
　　观：Before wearing the ring, what do you want to say?
　　至：I had had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”! If there is a time limit, I hope, it is 10 thousand years.
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【5】
　　四个人的英语剧本:Susan and Cathy
　　Susan很苗条，Cathy很胖，她们是好朋友，不过却都羡慕对方……
　　This story is about two good friends Cathy and Susan. Cathy is a very thin girl; on the other hand, Susan is a very heavy girl. Therefore Cathy and Susan want to change themselves.
　　Scene I
　　(Cathy and Susan encounter each other on a street.)
　　Cathy: Hello, Susan. How are you?
　　Susan: I’m not doing well.
　　Cathy: Why not?
　　Susan: I’m too fat. I want to lose some weights.
　　Cathy: Really? But I want to become fat.
　　Susan: Are you crazy? Being fat is a terrible thing. Look at me. My abdomen looks like a swimming belt. It is so ugly.
　　(Cathy touches Susan’s abdomen.)
　　Cathy: But it is tender and makes me feel content.
　　Susan: You’re so kind. Your words make me happy.
　　Cathy: I’m serious, no kidding.
　　Susan: God! (Touches her own forehead and sigh)
　　Why are you not me and I am not you?
　　(Susan seems to intend doing something.)
　　Susan: We don’t like our figures and want to change ourselves, we can work hard together.
　　Cathy: It sounds good. I can help you and you can help me. That’s wonderful. (Saying loudly)
　　Susan: We begin planning right away.
　　Cathy: Uh! Let’s go.
　　Scene II
　　(Firstly Cathy brings Susan to a famous store named Trust me.)
　　Servant: Welcome! Do you want to take part in our class?
　　Cathy: Yes! We will.
　　Servant: Ok!
　　Susan: Why do you take me here?
　　Cathy: I see that “Trust me, you can make it” commercial on TV. It looks great. So I want to trust it and help you become thinner.
　　Susan: Oh…! Why do you also particular in?
　　Cathy: Because we are good friends, we should do it together. (Ha! Ha!)
　　(After several days)
　　Susan: Why? It’s no use to me, but you become much thinner. (Crying)
　　Cathy: I don’t want it, too. (Crying)
　　(The two girls are very angry to look the servant.)
　　Servant: It’s not my fault. (She escapes from the store.)
　　Scene III
　　(Later, Susan takes Cathy to McDonalds.)
　　Cathy: McDonalds?
　　Susan: Fast food has high calories. It is the best food to make you fat.
　　Clerk: May I help you?
　　Susan: I want to order four hamburgers, ten drumsticks, five french fries and two cokes.
　　Clerk: What??
　　Cathy: Sorry, give us a minute. (Talks to the waiter)
　　(Cathy pulls Susan’s arm and moves to the side.)
　　Cathy: I can’t eat all of them.
　　Susan: The food is not just for you.
　　Cathy: Don’t you want to be thin?
　　Susan: Yes.
　　Cathy: You can’t eat them, because they will make you fat.
　　Susan: But I can’t oppose the attraction.
　　(Cathy gives Susan a look.)
　　Susan: Let me think.
　　(Suddenly, an angel and an evil appear.)
　　Evil: You can eat it. Anyway, you have time to lose weight.
　　Angel: If you eat them now, you would do the same thing next time. You will not lose any weight.
　　Evil: Listen to me. I’m right.
　　Angel: No, he’s wrong.
　　(Evil begins to fight against the angel.)
　　Susan: Enough! Go away! (Yells to the evil and the angel)
　　Cathy: Are you OK?
　　Susan: Uh! I decide to eat today.
　　Cathy: OK!
　　Susan: I want to order the same food that I ordered before.
　　Clerk: OK! Please wait a minute.
　　(They sit down and begin to eat.)
　　Cathy: Um…It’s so greasy. Do I have to eat this?
　　Susan: Yes, you must eat it. I can help you. (Susan takes food to stuff Cathy’s mouth.) Poor girl!!!
　　Scene IV
　　(Angel and Evil appear again.)
　　Angel: Are you sure it’s good for her?
　　Evil: If you don’t believe me, you could see the result later.
　　Angel: I hope you are right.
　　(Several weeks later, they walk along the street.)
　　Susan: I’m so hungry. I want to eat.
　　Cathy: I’m so full. I want to vomit.
　　(They hug each other and cry loudly.)
　　Cathy: I don’t want to be fat.
　　Susan: I don’t want to be thin. (They say it at the same time.)
　　(Angel takes the evil that is rope appears.)
　　Angel: You use the wrong way to achieve your purposes. You need to ask a professional nutritionist.
　　Cathy and Susan: So…! (They look at each other with some special meaning, and then catch the angel’s leg.)
　　Cathy and Susan: You must know some shortcut to help us.
　　Cathy and Susan: We won’t let you go until you help us.
　　Angel: Oh, god!!
　　(Cathy and Susan chase the angel. The evil stays there.)
　　Evil: What has happened? (Shrug)
　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【6】
　　中英文双语话剧《新梁祝外传》剧本
　　旁白：话说梁山伯和祝英台三年前一同来到刚刚成立的武汉新东方书院学习英语。梁山伯酷爱口语师从口语老师邓大付学习美国口语，尤其擅长模仿马丁"路德"金的演讲。（旁白暂停，邓英文“I have a dream ”）。祝英台一心梦想出国，梦想有朝一日成为BBC主持人（旁白暂停，祝英文“this is BBC….）最终祝英台以托福和GRE高分的成绩被哥伦比亚大学录取。在祝英台临走的那一天，梁山伯十八里相送在天河机场与祝英台缠绵告别。
　　L:  Yingtai ，I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.！
　　Z:  I love you, too! Don’t worry.  Shanbo I only love you in this wild world. I’ll marry you as soon as I’m back. Wait for me just for two years.
　　L: I’ll kiss you across the Pacific Ocean.
　　Z:  I’ll kiss you from the other side. Wait for me. BoBo
　　旁白：一周以后，祝英台从美国打来越洋电话。
　　L:Oh, Sweetie, Yintai I miss you so much, miss you every minute every second. Oh my dear. Are you listening to me?
　　Z: Listen, Liang Shanbo. I’m calling to tell you that I loved you. But I think you’d better find a better girl.
　　L: What? Pardon?
　　Z: Because I’ll get married.
　　L: Married ? to who?
　　Z: To 英俊潇洒风流倜傥玉树临风的Ma Wencai.. He is so handsome. So rich, even richer than Yu Minhong. And he is good at 葵花宝典。I love his money and I love his body.
　　L: What are you talking about? You wait and see. I’ll give you some color to see see. I’ll kill you! I will kill you in America!
　　Z: America? You can come to America? Hahahaha
　　旁白：祝英台的无端背叛深深伤害了梁山伯脆弱的心灵，他发下毒誓：不杀祝英台誓不为人。于是重新来到新东方书院学习托福和ＧＲＥ。当然他没有忘记用老生证可以优惠20块钱。为了能飞越重洋去杀掉祝英台，他每天提醒自己有一个梦想。
　　I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
　　I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and lives out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one day I will kill Zhu Yingtai right in America. It is a dream that deeply rooted in my heart. In my heart.
　　旁白：一年之后，梁山伯也来到了美国，四处寻找祝英台的下落。终于在纽约街头找到他当年的爱人祝英台，而她正和马文才卿卿我我。
　　L:Zhu Yingtai, long time no see, huh? Who am I ? I’m Liang Shanbo. I’m here to kill you.
　　Z: Liang….shanbo. Oh, Wencai. He is crazy. He will kill me.
　　M: You! Get out of here.
　　L: You! Get out of here!
　　M: 电话来了。Hello, I’m in wuhan. Ok ok I’ll come right now
　　Z: Please don’t go. Just stay, please. He’ll kill me.
　　M: I know! But if I stay, he’ll kill me by the way..
　　Z: You told me you were good at 葵花宝典?
　　M: Sorry, I’m not good at 葵花宝典. I’m just good at 新华字典。
　　Z: Oh,you liar. Just get out of here!! (to Liang Shanbo) Oh,darling, you must kill me?
　　L: Yes, I have to. Because I hate you more than I can say.
　　Z: (sing)When we were young, we listened to the MP三, you said you’d love me forever. Don’t kill me,ok? Shanbo. I qiu qiu ni..
　　L: No door! (sing) Where you go, whatever you say, I’ll be right here killing you. I only know I was born to love you or to kill you. Now I can’t love you, the only choice is to kill you.
　　Z: 曾经Once upon a time, there was a true love in front of me, I didn’t cherish it.If I was to meet him again, I wish to say I love you. If you would ask me how long I would love him, I should say ten thousand years. That man is you The only man I love in this wild world is you. Only you.(sing)
　　L: The only woman I want to kill is on-ly you!!
　　Z: Please, you know I love you. I love you just like laoshu ai dami. I want to marry you.
　　L: hehehe Really?
　　Z: Oh, of course. Please don’t kill me!!!!
　　L: To kill or not to kill is a question. I don’t know. Who can tell me? I put her life in your hands. Everybody here, please tell me kill or not kill?
　　(to kill)
　　L: You hear this. I ‘m sorry. But don’t worry , I’ ll go to heaven together with you.
　　Z: All right kill me, then we’ll become two butterflies in the beautiful garden(sing)
　　(sing)
　　Z: 亲爱的你别杀我
　　杀了我你也没有好结果
　　L： 亲爱的我也不想杀
　　可是大家非得要我杀
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(2) [英文剧本]英语口语剧本

　　爱情公寓是一部都市戏剧，那么用来作为英文剧本又是怎样的呢？

　　Zeng xiaoxian: Now is the midnight ,12 o "clock, welcome to my
　　listening shows: "your moon ,and my heart". Good man is me, I am zengxiaoxian. If you have any interesting things, fell free to dial the number: 8008208820, then turn "2" key--press. Today xiaoxian will talk the hypertension with everybody. So~~,what is the hypertension ? Hypertension is ···
　　曾小贤：现在是夜里12点，欢迎大家收听节目：你的月亮我的心。好男人就是我，我就是曾小贤。大家有什么想交流的请播8008208820，转2键。 今天小贤跟大家谈谈高血压。那么，什么是高血压呢?高血压就是······
　　Hu yifei:I know,I know ,Hypertension is a condition in which the
　　blood pressure, on at least two or more readings on different dates after an initial screening ,is found to be higher than normal
　　(Hang up and secretly say :teacher zeng forgot the lines, ha ha
　　~ but only one of the pieces, I don"t know where other pieces.)
　　胡一菲(电话打入)：高血压我知道，是血压在正常情况下高于正常值。(挂电话，偷偷地说：
　　曾老师台词忘带了，哈哈~不过只有一张了，其它可不知道哪去了)
　　Zeng xiaoxian(helpless ): yifei, you are very very clever! The next,
　　we"ll talk about ···
　　(Telephone rings again )
　　What"s wrong again? My broadcasting rating is so high,you
　　should not always call in.yifei~! please~
　　曾小贤(无奈)：一菲，你真是聪明啊!那接下来我们来谈谈······ (电话又响)
　　又怎么了?我节目收听率这么高，不要总占别人线啊，一菲!
　　Hu yifei: No ,no···,It is urgent ! ziqiao broke up with Lisa rong,
　　he···
　　胡一菲：不是啊，有急事啊!子乔刚和Lisa榕分手了，他······
　　Zeng xiaoxian:Oh~! No~no~What should I do? I cannot be
　　promoted! I must talk to ziqiao about it! Ziqiao you can"t ~can"t~
　　Zhan bo: I ,qie~ I am zhan bo!
　　展博：我，切、、我是展博。
　　(Mei jia kicked Lv ziqiao )
　　(美嘉踢吕子乔一脚)
　　Mr.Zeng: He had blurred vision and lightheaded. This is a symptom of hypertension.
　　曾小贤：他视力模糊，还头重脚轻，高血压的症状之一
　　Hu Yifei: Ziqiao, are you pretending? Do you want to take advantage of our sympathy for you ? (捶~~~)
　　胡一菲：子乔，你不会是装的吧，想乘机利用我们对你好? (捶他一下)
　　Lv Ziqiao: Yifei, shit! I have severe chest pain ! Actually, you pounded me !
　　吕子乔：一菲，你有病啊?我胸痛得厉害，你还捶?!
　　Zeng Xiaoxian: He has the stethalgia, this is the symptom of hypertension too. Haha~, I am a practitioner. I can diagnose.
　　曾小贤：他胸痛，这也是高血压的症状，哈哈，我是名医了!我会诊断病了~
　　Lv Ziqiao: Mr.Zeng, are you an earth man ? I am dying because of hurt
　　吕子乔：曾老师，你还是不是人啊?我都快疼死了~
　　Zeng Xiaoxian: Ah, yeah, Zhanbo, Meijia, Yifei, massage his chest immediately!
　　曾小贤：哦，对，展博、美嘉、一菲，快给他按摩按摩胸部，先暂时减轻痛苦。
　　曾小贤：不···不是吧?那我怎么办啊!我的事业也会被断送啊! 让我和子乔说说，不能阿不能阿······
　　Mei jia：(Grabbed the phone )You have no chance,He seems a
　　little dizzy. Today you are talking about the ill, are not you ?Save him quickly !
　　美嘉(抢过电话)：没机会了，他好像有点晕。你今天不是讲病吗?快点救救他吧~
　　Zeng xiaoxian:Well, okay, let him speak .
　　曾小贤：好， 好吧，让他讲话。
　　Lv ziqiao:zeng zeng teacher,I broke up ,ah~~~~~~~(He is going to
　　fall, zhan bo holds him)
　　Mei , mei jia, you also have breast?
　　吕子乔：曾， 曾老师，我分手了，啊······(要晕倒) (被展博扶住) 美、美嘉，你有胸啦!?
　　Zhan bo: I ,qie~ I am zhan bo!
　　展博：我，切、、我是展博。
　　(Mei jia kicked Lv ziqiao )
　　(美嘉踢吕子乔一脚)
　　Mr.Zeng: He had blurred vision and lightheaded. This is a symptom of hypertension.
　　曾小贤：他视力模糊，还头重脚轻，高血压的症状之一
　　Hu Yifei: Ziqiao, are you pretending? Do you want to take advantage of our sympathy for you ? (捶~~~)
　　胡一菲：子乔，你不会是装的吧，想乘机利用我们对你好? (捶他一下)
　　Lv Ziqiao: Yifei, shit! I have severe chest pain ! Actually, you pounded me !
　　吕子乔：一菲，你有病啊?我胸痛得厉害，你还捶?!
　　Zeng Xiaoxian: He has the stethalgia, this is the symptom of hypertension too. Haha~, I am a practitioner. I can diagnose.
　　曾小贤：他胸痛，这也是高血压的症状，哈哈，我是名医了!我会诊断病了~
　　Lv Ziqiao: Mr.Zeng, are you an earth man ? I am dying because of hurt
　　吕子乔：曾老师，你还是不是人啊?我都快疼死了~
　　Zeng Xiaoxian: Ah, yeah, Zhanbo, Meijia, Yifei, massage his chest immediately!
　　曾小贤：哦，对，展博、美嘉、一菲，快给他按摩按摩胸部，先暂时减轻痛苦。
　　(They massaged him in a mess.)
　　(众人对他进行一番乱按摩)
　　Zhanbo: Ah~~~Mr.Zeng, he has the bloody nose.
　　展博：啊~~曾老师，他流鼻血了~
　　(They crowded, looking. "Yeah, just nosebleed, Lv Xiaobu"s blood.")
　　(众人拥上，看了半天，“恩，果然是鼻血，吕小布的血”)
　　(Turning their head, Ziqiao is missing. They are seeking. He hided in WC.)
　　(回头，子乔不见了，众人找，发现在厕所)
　　Hu Yifei: Mr.Zeng, he hided in WC,unwilling to come out. And he said he has frequent urination.
　　胡一菲：曾小贤，他在厕所，不肯出来，说自己尿频。。
　　Zeng Xiaoxian: Ah~~~frequent urination, he is the invisible Man of hypertension. Does he come out?
　　曾小贤：哇塞~还尿频，看来他是一个高血压的隐形患者啊~~~他出来了吗?
　　People: No~~~
　　众人：没有.
　　zeng:uh-huh, let me ,the master ,educate him when he is in
　　toilet.Fistly, patients with hypertension must have a low-salt and low-fat diet.
　　曾小贤：恩哼，趁他在卫生间，让我这个大师来对他进行教育吧~首先，高血压患者要低盐、低脂饮食。
　　all:Low-salt and low-fat.
　　众人：低盐低脂。
　　zeng:Pay attention to stress management.
　　曾小贤：压力调节
　　all:Only make a girl friend each time.
　　众人：一次只交一个女朋友。
　　zeng:Take food that are rich in minerals, for example, potassium, calcium, magnesium.
　　曾小贤：多吃含镁、钾、钙等矿物质的食物。
　　all:Eat carrot(zhan)、 Chinese cabbage(mei) and shell(fei) everyday.
　　众人：天天吃胡萝卜(展博)、白菜(美嘉)、贝壳(一菲)
　　zeng:More exercise.
　　曾小贤：多运动
　　all:Give us your car.
　　众人：把你的车给我们。
　　zeng:Take antihypertensive medications daily.
　　曾小贤：天天服用降压药
　　all:The medicines are close to the mouth.
　　众人：药不离嘴
　　(ziqiao coming back from the toilet)
　　(子乔从厕所里出来)
　　ziqiao:I feel bad.My blood presure is rather, rather, high.I"m going to die.Give some money to me, I will go to hospital.
　　吕子乔：我不太对劲，我有高血压，我要死了!你们那点钱给我吧，我要去医院。
　　(all feel panic then take out money to ziqiao)
　　(众人惊慌，纷纷取出钱给子乔)
　　ziqiao:I needn"t pay back the money spending on the disease to you,do I ?
　　(众人愣住了，去厕所一看，发现了曾小贤落下的台词)
　　(all are dumbfounded ,then they go to see the toilet,then find zeng"s left pieces of lines )
　　众人：“他不会看着书生病的吧。”
　　all:he"s not sick, he just pretend to be weak as zeng xiaoxian"s lines.
　　吕子乔：哈哈，背个高血压的台词就能有这么多钱!哈哈~
　　ziqiao:ha-ha~~~just recite some hypertension lines can earn so much money ! I"m rich now! Ha~ha~
　　(众人追出去)：还我们钱!
　　(all run after him)：pay back the money!
　　曾小贤：这个故事告诉我们，学习医学知识真是有用~
　　zeng:The story tell us , it is really useful to learn the medical knowledge.
　　吕子乔：我去看病的，这钱你们不要我还吧?
　　(all shake head)
　　(众人摇头)
　　zeng:ziqiao,do you know that which investigations you need and which drug you need buy?
　　曾小贤：子乔，你知道去医院做哪些检查吃哪些药吗?
　　ziqiao:Of course. Calcium channel blockers,
　　angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors , vasodialtors and diuretics ,e.g.
　　吕子乔：知道~钙离子阻断剂、血管紧张素转化酶、血管舒张剂、利尿剂。。(说完就跑了。)
　　(with that,he run away.)

(3) [英文剧本]英文小品搞笑剧本大全

　　小品是一种有趣的表演方式，大家喜欢看小品节目吗？以下是小编精心准备的英文小品搞笑剧本，大家可以参考以下内容哦！
　　四人搞笑英文小品剧本【1】
　　Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company. This day they are talking in the office.
　　Ca: Bingo! I finally finish this case. It is really tough! I have not slept well for almost a week.
　　Wing: Me too .I always get so busy in this season. I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.
　　Ci: Our boss must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much. What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case?
　　Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion.
　　Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work!
　　Ca: You are right. Let’s pig out on junk food!
　　Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I miss my hometown. I miss German food!
　　Ca: so do I .how much I love French food!
　　Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before. Do you have any recommendation?
　　Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.from
　　Wing: You also can’t miss the famous German sausage, ham and blue checse
　　Ci: They all sound yummy. But do you know what Chinese eat when they miss their families?
　　Wing&Ca: No
　　Ci: The answer is dumplings!
　　Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted .
　　Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.
　　Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me .what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together. I will teach you how to cook it.
　　Ca: Great! That is fantastic. Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplings
　　Wing: Very good idea! We could busy some basic ingredient at the supper market after work.
　　Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger.
　　(The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house)
　　CiCiours some pour on the table and said:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”
　　Ca: sure, here you are .what s next?
　　Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together .be careful ,don’t add too much water.
　　Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softer
　　Wing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it .shall I blend them?
　　CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well. A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.
　　(an hour later)
　　Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared .lets start!
　　CiCi: Wait! I remember well that you all miss the food from your hometown.Look, what are these?
　　Ca: Wow! Cheese! Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine.
　　Wing: God. Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!
　　CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’ food ready.
　　Ca: So it is a complete big meal.
　　Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life. Let’s cheers!
　　Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!
　　英语搞笑小品剧本【2】
　　(Original script)
　　(William carry his bag to school)
　　William: Today is my very first day at campus, I heard of campus is a ivory tower and full of joy, in there,I can broaden my horizon and follow my interest to making friends, especially the association of campus is a shinning view, look ,there is a hip-hop association, I will go there, follow me.
　　Association : Howdy, guys, come here.
　　Are you a freshman?
　　William: Yeah. Could you tell me something about your association?
　　Association：Of course.  Firstly, let me ask you some questions.
　　Do you want to show your talent? (YES)
　　Do you want to enrich your campus life? (YES)
　　Do you want to be a star? (YES)
　　So, this is the stage what you want, we’ll give you many chances to show your style. Come on, no hesitation.
　　W: Okay, that’s great, I will join you.
　　Voice-over：A month later, William had come to know that he has a lot of things to do, he is confused there.
　　William: This is my homework, and this is my activity, which one I should choose? Oh my god, who can help me?
　　Voice-over：At that time, the learning angel and the hip-hop fairy come to his mind at the same time.
　　Learning Angel: To be or not to be, that is a question. Litter William, Shakespeare is calling you. This is the ocean of knowledge , the heaven of literature. Please take your book and come to my world.
　　W: Okay, angel , wait me …wait me.
　　Voice-over: Suddenly, the hip-hop fairy is coming.
　　Hip-pop fairy: Yo yo yo! Everybody! Push you hands up.(Singing)Buddy you’re a boy make a big noise playing in the street gonna be a big man someday, you’ve got the mud on your face, big disgrace, kicking your can all over the place. Singing, we will we will rock you. Singing, we will we will rock you.
　　What’s boy? Come with me, we have a big party. Hurry up!
　　William: Wow, so cool, take me away.(leave his book on the floor)
　　Learning Angel：No! Stop！
　　(Face to William)You can’t do it. It is time to study.
　　(Face to Hip-pop fairy)And you, who are you?(The tone with provocation)
　　Hip-pop fairy: It’s none of your business, it’s time for fun, get out of his world, he should come with me.
　　Learning Angel: No! You can’t! Shut up!
　　Hip-pop fairy: What? What? ( Disputing)
　　William: All right… all right. Calm down…. calm down guys!We must have a talk!
　　Learning Angel and Hip-hop fairy: Okay…okay. (Calm down)
　　William: (Face to Learning Angel)You, you’re the important part of my life, I know I should pay more attention to you.
　　But, you（Face to Hip-hop fairy）,without you, my life is not complete.
　　(Face to audiences)Learning angel is my right hand, Hip-hop fairy is my left hand, you should get well alone with each other and work together, I need you to create my beautiful campus life.
　　Learning Angel: Okay, William is right.
　　Hip-hop fairy: Yes, I really think we should be friends.(shake hands)
　　(Singing together)
　　William: They’re the girl on my mind and I know I’m thinking of them, on my way through the day and the night the stars shine above me.
　　L/H: We have been heard some words about the guy he is too much stronger, and we will singing the song, hoping we will happy together.
　　W/L/H: Our hearts go sha la la la la,
　　sha la la in the moring,
　　oh sha la la la la, sha la la in the sunshine,
　　our hearts go sha la la la la,
　　sha la la in the evening ,
　　oh sha la la la la ,
　　sha la la la la just for you.
　　W/L/H: We hope all of you could find a right position of your life, balance your study and entertainment, make you life full of joy and create some unforgettable memories, at last , we hope you will “make it better”.
　　The end…
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